there's always a solution, when you ask for it

Where should I start? How about the end? I might be a stay at home mom! Yay! (or: oh my god! depends on one's point of view).
So how did we get here? Well this morning my slightly forgetful Mother In Law (MIL) took off with the kid, dogs, and her husband for a splendid stroll around the neighborhood...without her keys. She says now that she did have her phone with her (though I'm not sure about that, but anyways). Now given the fact that it's bloody freezing out there, and I might have left for work by the time they came back,... OK let's just say this could have been disastrous. Yes, yes, I forget my keys sometimes, too; but at least I am local, so to say. I don't even want to imagine what could have happened with two foreign grandparents without any means to get warm.
So I got upset. I got sooo upset that I went to work and decided to search for a daycare opening, right away. If I have to worry about my son freezing before I get home, then even daycare must be better than that, right??
I called around, and wonder of wonders, there's an opening this Monday in one of the best looking day cares, and close to work!! I could not believe my good fortune. And even managed to schedule a visit today! Marvelous!
...or so I thought. We went together with Erzsi, for moral support and another set of eyes.
Where to even begin how it felt. In short, like an orphanage. First of all, it was way too easy to get in. Not even a locked door anywhere. That's scary. Then the room was really small to hold twelve kids! All had the same kind of cribs, most of the kids in them, not even ONE toy in any of their hands. One little boy stood in his crib and cried; I wanted to hug him. Nobody did. Another little girl was in her bouncer right by the door (cold air straight into her face when we came in); she dropped her bottle, and it took the three ladies like 5 minutes to even realize why she is crying. There are three kids per teacher. Not ONE of the kids were picked up or even hugged. Diaper change are said to be "by need", however there's a daily schedule on the wall that specifies the exact times (3 times a day) when diapers are, in fact, changed. Now imagine sitting in poop for hours, because you soiled it in the wrong time. Lovely.
Maybe they give them toys and shower them with attention when nobody sees? I highly doubt it. This was a scheduled visit. I don't even want to know what they do when there's nobody around.
Now as I said before, this is a very well known place with a spotless reputation, certified by the state, by all the authorities, etc, etc. I was so sad I can't even tell you. I mean, all those moms were probably working, thinking all was OK, while I saw their crying, unconsoled kids.

So I came home and told everything to my husband and we agreed (thank you, GOD!!!) that we will never place our precious one into such "care"; that if we don't find a place we love (yes, LOVE), I will stay at home with him until he is ready for the world. This is a huge development. My dear one was very much against me staying home until this. In his opinion I will go stir-crazy and it won't work; also, my workplace is simply fantastic: great boss, flexible hours, a job I actually enjoy... And of course we like that it brings in some money, too. Not a lot, but not a measly amount, either. So this is not an easy question from that point of view. However, when we ask if it is worth putting Bubu through THAT, the answer is pretty darn obvious. No. Nothing is worth that.

You know I am not a particularly religious person, and rarely pray for very specific things, but this morning I did; and several times during the day, too. I really didn't expect such a fast answer. I also didn't expect myself to be happy about it, and I really am!

PS.: we are going to visit many more day cares to make sure we really did our part. So that we never ask ourselves later what the conclusion would have been if only I saw THAT one, too. But deep inside, I am not afraid anymore. Whatever the outcome is, it will be a good one. We are not alone.