This post is about something I don't understand. Namely, the wars fought among mothers with all seriousness. I can not, for the life of me understand, why moms feel the need to battle among themselves about parental choices? As far as I see, it is more of an internet pehnomenon, but probably these women feel the same kind of passion about their choices in "real life", too, just don't confront others about the issues with the same kind of militance.
For non-moms, here are a couple of those debated topics; the argument is, you are a better mom, if you:
-give birth without pain medications; home is even better
-don't circumcise boys
-breastfeed exclusively as long as possible
-use cloth diapers
-wear you baby instead of using strollers
-co-sleep with your baby until she wants to sleep separately and tells you so
-don't, or only selectively vaccinate your kids
-make your own babyfood, preferably out of organic sources
-you are a stay at home mom
-your kids travel in a rear facing carseat until they are physically able to
-always pick you baby up if she cries, right away
-kids never watch TV
-toys are made of wood or other natural materials, never plastic
-don't use playpens, jumpers, bouncers, etc (some even call them neglet-o-matics)
(in case anyone wonders about my choices, they are: hosp. birth with painmeds, no circ, disp. diapers, sometimes babybjorn, sometimes stroller, we co-slept for a while, and now he is in his own bed, own room, we vaccinate, we make some of our own babyfood and buy the rest, I work, I am a rear facing advocate, we pick him up depending on how he cries, watch TV sometimes, toys are all over the place, use whatever entertains Bubu).
...now, I can see how we, moms, having to wait at least 20 but nowadays maybe 30 years until we see the "fruits of our efforts", need something to tell us how well we are really doing. I know a lot of us are so 100% convinced one way or the other about these topics, that they want the best for all the babies out there, in the incapabale hands of their own mothers, so they HAVE to convince you to follow them.
I just happen to disagree. I think we can all make our own mistakes, even parenting ones, and chances are, the whole family will survive. Not to mention how frequently the requirements of the Ideal Mom change. Discussion is OK, we all have something to learn from eachother. Just don't tell me I'm a bad mom, OK? (I know that already. ;-)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
the mommy wars
Posted by Andrea at 11:23 AM
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4 comments:
I feel a little bit addressed so let me enlighten you. :)
I think every new mother is searching for security and reassuring words in the beginning, especially in the first 2 years, when the babies can't speak for themselves yet. Am I doing it right? Is this good for the baby? Does research confirm my theories and praxis in terms os raising a child?
So there's an urge of searching for compliments and boosters for self esteem if you talk about the most important person in your life: your child and the way you treat him and communicate with him.
As for me, I love heated discussions with arguments about all the matters you named; but if it becomes a real WAR, I rather step out. I don't want to have enemies or eliminate anybody and I absolutely don't want to "win". I rather compare different parenting styles searching for other point of views.
BTW: It's so stupid to call any baby equipment neglect-o-matic. Babies all over the world die from neglect and most of them don't even have a single toy.
PS: I'm going to use your blog to improve MY english. :)
oooh no it absolutely was NOT about you, silly. :)) We never have arguments -at least I haven't realized? No-no, it's about babycenter and their nazis there. Some of those women give me the chills. It's not even to me personally what they write, it's just how they talk about these issues and their opinions. As if it was the only truth out there.
But I sure love comments so please type ahead, english or hungarian, I love to hear what you think.
I'm relieved, then. :)
I'm surprised, I was on babycenter a couple of times, but I didn't find any nazi. Actually, I experineced the opposite, that everybody is too nice and supportive, no big fights...well, maybe you spent more time on these sites and found the skeletons in the closets, haha. :D
Don't read too much on this. You are a good mother, period. I know that, your husband nows that and most importantly, Bubber FEELS that.
If I could, I would forward time so that you can see a 20 year old, handsome Bubber giving you a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Mother's day. ;)
awwwww :)
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